apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
