So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
