You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
