Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
