Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
