I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
