A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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