it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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