wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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