i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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