Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There's always time for handjobs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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