oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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