where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
