at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
