he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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