So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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