plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
