I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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