I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
