there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
