just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
