woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
