operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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