Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
