Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
