last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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