Old men and throwing up are my life now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
