Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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