I wish I could teleport
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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