Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
