note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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