I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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