wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
