Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
