her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
