you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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