Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
