he shaved USA in his pubs
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
