The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
