It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
