Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
