you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
