OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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