i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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