I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
