***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
