Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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