And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Come on in and take your pants off
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
