sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
