It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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